Look at these pictures very carefully.
The government today announced that it is changing its emblem from an Eagle to a CONDOM because it more accurately reflects the government's political stance. A condom..
- Allows for inflation
- Halts production
- Destroys the next generation
- Protects a bunch of pr|cks, and ..
- Gives you a sense of security while you're actually being screwed!
It just doesn't get more accurate than that!
A man died and went to Heaven (how many jokes start this way?). As he stood in front of the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked,
What are all those clocks?
St. Peter answered,
Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock move.
Oh, said the man.
Whose clock is that?
That's Mother Teresa's, replied St. Peter.
The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie.
Incredible", said the man.
And whose clock is that one?
St. Peter responded,
That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abraham told only two lies in his entire life.
Where's Bush's clock? asked the man.
Bush's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as
a ceiling fan.
Most people know not to mix certain medicines without consulting their doctors.
Some medicines cannot be mixed with certain foods. Certainly most of us know not to mix certain medicines with alcohol. Although, some people think that mixing alcohol and medicine is harmless.
As a Public Service the AMA and Health Canada have recently published a new warning being distributed via pamphlets in pharmacies across the U.S. and Canada.
Attached is the cover jacket of the pamphlet.
I got this one in an email today of all days and immediately thought that it would have to be an April Fool's joke. However, I was wrong, it is real. There are photos!
This was a pretty interesting story from The Sunday Wichita, Kansas Eagle Newspaper a couple of weeks ago. A resident in the area saw a ball bouncing around kind of strange in a nearby pond and went to investigate. It turned out to be a flathead catfish who had obviously tried to swallow a child's basketball which became stuck in its mouth!!
The fish was totally exhausted from trying to dive, but unable to because the ball would always bring him back up to the surface. The resident tried numerous times to get the ball out, but was unsuccessful. He finally had his wife cut the ball in order to deflate it and release the hungry catfish.
You probably wouldn't have believed this, if you hadn't seen the following pictures...
Just to prove to myself that this was legit, I did a little research of my own and found the Snopes story, which references the actual newspaper article.