2007/07/25

Why It Is Good To Be a Man?

  1. Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.
  2. Your orgasms are real. Always.
  3. Your last name stays put.
  4. The garage is all yours.
  5. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
  6. You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid.
  7. Car mechanics tell you the truth.
  8. You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.
  9. Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
  10. Same work... more pay.
  11. Wrinkles-add character.
  12. You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.
  13. Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.
  14. If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
  15. People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
  16. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
  17. One mood, ALL the damn time.
  18. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds.
  19. A five-day vacation requires only 1 suitcase.
  20. You can open all your own jars.
  21. You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking "He must be mad at me.".
  22. No maxi-pads.
  23. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.
  24. You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
  25. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
  26. You are unable to see wrinkles in clothes.
  27. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
  28. Your belly usually hides your big hips.

2007/07/09

Arithmetic Lessons

A little boy is in school working on his arithmetic. The teacher says, Imagine there are 5 black birds sitting on a fence. You pick up your BB gun and shoot one. How many blackbirds are left?

The little boy thinks for a moment and says, NONE! The teacher replies, None, how do you figure that? The little boy says, If I shoot one, all the other birds will fly away scared, leaving none on the fence. The teacher replies, Hmm, not exactly, but I do like the way you think!

The little boy then says, Teacher, let me ask you a question. There are 3 women sitting on a park bench eating ice cream cones. One is licking her cone, another is biting it and the third one is sucking it. How can you tell which one of the women is married?

The teacher ponders the question uncomfortably and then finally replies, Well, I guess the one sucking her cone.

To which the little boy replies, Actually, its the one with the wedding ring, but I do like the way YOU think!

2007/07/04