2017/06/30

Moving to Vegas

Husband and wife are having a fight. Woman marches up to their room and starts to pack her bags.

"Where are you going?" he asks.

"I'm moving to Vegas. i hear i can make $400 doing what i do for you for free"

Man starts to pack his bags too. "I'm coming with you. I've got to see how you're going to survive in Vegas on $800 a year.

Source: Reddit.

Prostitutes Priorities

“I can’t believe that you’ve been visiting prostitutes for sex,” the wife screamed at her husband. “I’m really disappointed.”

“You can hardly blame me,” He answered. “It’s not like I was getting any from you.”

“Well, that’s your own fault,” she replied. “You never told me you were willing to pay for it.”

Source: Reddit.

2015/12/23

Flat Tire Yesterday

Yesterday I had a flat tire on the Interstate. So I eased my car over to the shoulder of the road, carefully got out of the car and opened the trunk.

I took out 2 cardboard men, unfolded them and stood them at the rear of my car facing oncoming traffic. They looked so life like you wouldn't believe it! They were in trench coats exposing their nude bodies to the approaching drivers. To my surprise, cars started slowing down looking at my lifelike men which made it safer for me to work at the side of the road. And of course, traffic started backing up.

Everybody was tooting their horns and waving like crazy. It wasn't long before a state trooper pulled up behind me. He got out of his car and started walking toward me. I could tell he was not a happy camper!

What's going on here?

My car has a flat tire, I said calmly.

Well, he asked, what are those obscene cardboard men doing here by the road?

I couldn't believe that he didn't know - so I told him, Hellooo! Those are my emergency flashers!