Forward RE: Friendship

Thanks to Bryan F. for this one.

Are you tired of those sissy "friendship" poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality? Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship. You will see no cutesy little smiley faces on this card- just the stone cold truth of friendship.

• When you are sad -- I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.
• When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
• When you smile -- I will know you finally got laid.
• When you are scared -- I will rag on you about it every chance I get.
• When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.
• When you are confused -- I will use little words.
• When you are sick -- Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.
• When you fall -- I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.

You should proceed to send this to 10 of your closest friends, then get depressed because you can only think of 4.

Friendship is like peeing your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel the true warmth.

And always remember....when life hands you Lemons, ask for tequila and salt and call me over !!

Windows is Not a Virus - Jokes4all.net

No, Windows is not a virus. Here's what viruses do:

• They replicate quickly. ... Okay, Windows does that.
• Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so. ... Okay, Windows does that.
• Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk. ... Okay, Windows does that too.
• Viruses are usually carried, unknown to the user, along with valuable programs and systems. ... Sigh.. Windows does that, too.
• Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is too slow (see 2) and the user will buy new hardware. ... Yup, Windows does that, too.
• Until now it seems Windows is a virus but there are fundamental differences: Viruses are well supported by their authors, are running on most systems, their program code is fast, compact and efficient and they tend to become more sophisticated as they mature.

So Windows is not a virus. ... It's a bug.

The Magic Frog, the Rabbit and the Bear

A frog leaps out of the magical forest where he has lived all his life and into a real forest. Since he lived in the magical forest he has magical powers. He sees a bear chasing a rabbit and thinks to himself, This isn't right, everyone should live in peace. So he stops the bear and rabbit and tells them that if they stop chasing each other he'll give them both three wishes.

The bear thinks for a second and wishes that all the rest of the bears in the forest were female. Poof, all of them are female. Next the rabbit wishes for a crash helmet. The bear looks at the rabbit wondering why he would want a crash helmet.

The bear thinks for a second making sure he makes a good second wish and wishes that all the rest of the bears in the country were female. Again -- poof -- all the rest became female. Then the rabbit wishes for a motorcycle. Now the bear steps back and looks at the rabbit in amazement. How dumb is this rabbit he thinks to himself. All he had to do was wish for money and he could buy all the motorcycles he ever wanted. This has to be the dumbest creature I have ever seen, he thinks to himself.

It is time for the bear's final wish and he takes a second to think and makes sure he doesn't waste it. After a minute he wishes that all the other bears in the whole world were female. And again poof they are all female.

Next the rabbit puts on his helmet and jumps on the bike. He turns around and smiles. Then he says, I wish that that bear was gay!

Yo Mama #2

Yo mama is so dumb that she was on her way to the airport and saw a sign that said Airport Left. So she turned around and went home.