This Is Just a Painted Floor

Imagine you are at a party. You have been drinking just a bit. Then later you have to visite the bathroom.

Now, remember, this is just a painted floor!

Well, now, kind of takes your breath away. Doesn't it?

Brokeback to the Future

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When Computer Geeks Get Bored

When computer geeks get bored... they do stuff like this!

Things You Should Know But Probably Don't

1. Money isn't made out of paper; it's made out of cotton.
2. The Declaration of Independence was written on hemp paper.
3. The dot over the letter i is called a "tittle".
4. A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and down continuously from the bottom of the glass to the top.
5. Susan Lucci is the daughter of Phyllis Diller.
6. 40% of McDonald's profits come from the sales of Happy Meals.
7. 315 entries in Webster's 1996 Dictionary were misspelled.
8. The 'spot' on 7UP comes from its inventor, who had red eyes. He was albino.
9. On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents, daily.
10. Warren Beatty and Shirley MacLaine are brother and sister.
11. Chocolate affects a dog's heart and nervous system; a few ounces will kill a small sized dog.
12. Orcas (killer whales) kill sharks by torpedoing up into the shark's stomach from underneath, causing the shark to explode.
13. Most lipstick contains fish scales.
14. Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn't wear pants.
15. Ketchup was sold in the 1830's as medicine.
16. Upper and lower case letters are named 'upper' and 'lower' because in the time when all original print had to be set in individual letters, the upper case' letters were stored in the case on top of the case that stored the smaller, 'lower case' letters.
17. Leonardo Da Vinci could write with one hand and draw with the other at the same time. [Hence, multi-tasking was invented.]
18. Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II were made of wood.
19. There are no clocks in Las Vegas gambling casinos.
20. The name Wendy was made up for the book Peter Pan; there was never a recorded Wendy before!
21. There are no words in the dictionary that rhyme with orange, purple, or silver!
22. Leonardo Da Vinci invented scissors. Also, it took him 10 years to paint Mona Lisa's lips.
23. A tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion will make it instantly go mad and sting itself to death.
24. The mask used by Michael Myers in the original "Halloween" was a Captain Kirk's mask painted white.
25. If you have three quarters, four dimes, and four pennies, you have $1.19. You also have the largest amount of money in coins without being able to make change for a dollar.
26. By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you can't sink in quicksand.
27. The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law, which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.
28. The first product Motorola started to develop was a record player for automobiles. At that time, the most known player on the market was the Victrola, so they called themselves Motorola.
29. Celery has negative calories! It takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery has in it to begin with. It's the same with apples!
30. Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying.
31. The glue on Israeli postage stamps is certified kosher.
32. Guinness Book of Records holds the record for being the book most often stolen from public libraries.
33. Astronauts are not allowed to eat beans before they go into space because passing wind in a space suit damages it.
34. George Carlin said it best about Martha Stewart: Boy, I feel a lot safer now that she's behind bars. O. J. Simpson and Kobe Bryant are still walking around; Osama Bin Laden too. But they take the ONE woman in America willing to cook, clean, and work in the yard, and they haul her fanny off to jail.

X-Wing Fighter in catwalk on the U.S.S. Long Island, July 1942

Photo# 80-G-12906
X-Wing Fighter in catwalk on the U.S.S. Long Island after landing accident July 1942

20 Southernisms

1. Only a true Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption, and that you don't "HAVE" them, -- you "PITCH" them.
2. Only a true Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens,peas, beans, etc. make up "a mess."
3. Only a true Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder."
4. Only a true Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is - as in: "Going to town, be back directly."
5. All true Southerners, even babies, know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl on the middle of the table.
6. All true Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.
7. Only a true Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. (If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin'!)
8. Only true Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right far piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20.
9. Only a true Southerner both knows and understands the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.
10. No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.
11. A true Southerner knows that "fixin'" can be used as a noun, a verb or an adverb.
12. Only a true Southerner knows that the term "booger" can be a resident of the nose, a descriptive, as in "that ol' booger," a first name or something that jumps out at you in the dark and scares you senseless.
13. Only true Southerners make friends while standing in lines. W e don't do "queues", we do "lines," and when we're "in line," we talk to everybody!
14. Put 100 true Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, even if only by marriage.
15. True Southerners never refer to one person as "y'all."
16. True Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.
17. Every true Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that redeye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.
18. When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin' .. ," you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!
19. Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it - we do not like our tea unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk.
20. And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say, "Bless her heart" and go your own way.

MOOKIE: Bad Joke of the Day

This one is pretty tasteless.

If large chested women work at Hooters, then where do one legged women work?

Monkey & Lizard

Here is a funny one found on a random blog. Warning to Kids: Don't do drugs! It leads to talking animals.

A monkey is sitting in a tree smoking a joint, when a lizard walks past. The lizard looks up, and says to the monkey, Hey, what're you doing?

The monkey replies, Smokin' a joint, come up and have some.

So the lizard climbs up the tree, sits next to the monkey, and they smoke a few joints. After a while the lizard says his mouth is "dry" and he's going to the river to get a drink. The lizard climbs down the tree and staggers over to the river to get a drink of water, but he is so stoned, he leans over too far and falls into the river.

A crocodile sees this, swims over to the lizard and helps him back to the side. Then the crocidile asks the lizard, What's the matter with you? The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting up in a tree with a monkey smoking pot, got too stoned and then fell into the river while taking a drink. The crocodile says he has to check this out, and wanders off into the jungle.

He finds the tree where the monkey is sitting finishing up a joint. The crocodile yells up to the monkey Hey!

The monkey looks down and shouts in surprise, Dude! How much water did you drink?!

Llama, Llama, Cheesecake, Llama, Llama, Llama, Duck

Katie and some of her friends had already seen this one, but I seem to have missed it until yesterday. We saw a clip of it on a VH1 television show called Web Junk 20.

This immediately tickled everyone in the house and we can't stop laughing about it. Also, Lisa immediately deemed that this will be a favorite of Linda's before she has even seen it.

How Smart is your Right Foot?

This will boggle your mind. After your first try, you can keep trying it at least 50 more times to see if you can outsmart your foot. Unfortunately, you can't.

1. While sitting at your desk, lift your right foot off the floor.
2. Make clockwise circles with your foot.
3. Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your right hand. Your foot will change direction!!!

Told ya so! And there is nothing you can do about it.

Make sure you try this on your friends, you sadistic punk. Now get back to work!