Picking a Fight is Fun

<a href="http://www.cmt.com/video/" title="Tom Mabe: Eavesdropping">Tom Mabe: Eavesdropping</a>

This video is called Tom Mabe: Eavesdropping. This was cross-posted to Mudhorny.com and Arconati Comedy Awards.

Some Funny Questions and Answers

1. Q: What do you call a man with half a brain?
   A: Gifted.
2. Q: What is the thinnest book in the world?
   A: "What Men Know About Women."
3. Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
   A: One ... men will screw anything.
4. Q: How does a man take a bubble bath?
   A: He eats beans for dinner.
5. Q: How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
   A: We don't know .... it's never happened.
6. Q: What is a man's idea of helping with the housework?
   A: Lifting his leg so you can vacuum.
7. Q: What's the difference between a man and E.T.?
   A: E.T. phoned home.
8. Q: What did God say after creating man?
   A: I can do better.
9. Q: What are the two reasons why men don't mind their own business?
   A: 1. No mind. 2. No business.
10. Q: How is a man like a snowstorm?
    A: Because you don't know when it's coming, how many inches you'll get, and how long it'll stay.
11. Q: Why is it so hard for women to find men who are sensitive, caring, and good looking?
    A: Because those men already have boyfriends.
12. Q: How do men sort their laundry?
    A: "Filthy" and "Filthy but wearable.".
13. Q: Husband: "I don't know why you wear a bra, you've go nothing to put in it.".
    A: Wife: "You wear briefs, don't you?".

Why It Is Good To Be a Man?

1. Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.
2. Your orgasms are real. Always.
3. Your last name stays put.
4. The garage is all yours.
5. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
6. You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid.
7. Car mechanics tell you the truth.
8. You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.
9. Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
10. Same work... more pay.
11. Wrinkles-add character.
12. You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.
13. Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.
14. If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
15. People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
16. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
17. One mood, ALL the damn time.
18. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds.
19. A five-day vacation requires only 1 suitcase.
20. You can open all your own jars.
21. You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking "He must be mad at me.".
22. No maxi-pads.
23. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.
24. You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
25. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
26. You are unable to see wrinkles in clothes.
27. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
28. Your belly usually hides your big hips.

Arithmetic Lessons

A little boy is in school working on his arithmetic. The teacher says, Imagine there are 5 black birds sitting on a fence. You pick up your BB gun and shoot one. How many blackbirds are left?

The little boy thinks for a moment and says, NONE! The teacher replies, None, how do you figure that? The little boy says, If I shoot one, all the other birds will fly away scared, leaving none on the fence. The teacher replies, Hmm, not exactly, but I do like the way you think!

The little boy then says, Teacher, let me ask you a question. There are 3 women sitting on a park bench eating ice cream cones. One is licking her cone, another is biting it and the third one is sucking it. How can you tell which one of the women is married?

The teacher ponders the question uncomfortably and then finally replies, Well, I guess the one sucking her cone.

To which the little boy replies, Actually, its the one with the wedding ring, but I do like the way YOU think!

Soybeans

I've seen different versions of this one, but they are always funny.

While going through his wife's dresser drawers, a farmer discovered three soybeans and an envelope containing $30 in cash. The farmer confronted his wife, and when asked about the curious items, she confessed:

Over the years, I haven't been completely faithful to you, she explained. When I did fool around, I put a soybean in the drawer to remind myself of my indiscretion.

The farmer admitted that he had not always been faithful either, and therefore, was inclined to forgive and forget her few moments of weakness.

I'm curious though, he said, Where did the thirty dollars come from?

Oh that, his wife replied, Well, when soybeans hit ten dollars a bushel, I sold out!

Get more random jokes from Comedy Central.

Husband Store

A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates.

You may visit the store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch ... you may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building! So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband..

On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

*Floor 1* - These men have jobs and love the Lord.

The second floor sign reads:

*Floor 2* - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.

The third floor sign reads:

*Floor 3* - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking.

Wow, she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:

*Floor 4* - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-dead good looking and help with the housework.

Oh mercy me, she exclaims, I can hardly stand it!

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:

*Floor 5* - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:

*Floor 6* - You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!

Please send this to all men for a good laugh and to all the women who can handle the truth!

How To Shower - Men & Women

It's important to keep your whole physical hygiene in order, therefore watch this video and take notes.